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The Characters of Gay in the XXXity - Another update

Introducing the characters - further update!

Please take part in the poll. Please vote for which character you would like to be part of the characters that make up Gay in the XXXity.


The Fashion journalist
The Kylie Minogue die hard fan
The Muscle boy
The Dancer
The Daddy Bear
The Sex Addict
The Sexy Bar man
The Gaydar Geek

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Gay in the xxxity - the characters

Now who said this blog was about me and my experiences? The internet is full of those blogs. This blog aims to be something else. The site will change dramatically over the next few weeks so please keep coming back and check on the developments! Any suggestions are of course welcome.

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Please tell me about yourself, your aspirations and a picture is essential.

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GayintheXXXity editor

A trip down memory lane

I have been out every day this week and decided it was time to just have a chill out in my room. Now I could go down to Soho, have a few drinks and come home and pass out drunk with my clothes on or off depending on whether I managed to pull someone with my beer goggles on, but I thought I might as well wait until tomorrow. Of course it is very boring being here so thought I d take you on a trip down memory lane.


I am thinking of that gorgeous italian guy I dated 2 years ago. He was perfect. Mature, dark features, those come to bed eyes and a body to die for. We had an instant connection. It was like I had known him for years. The conversation would just flow, without a thought. However he was too good to be true. He had of course just broken up with his boyfriend and of course he did not tell me and needless to say he moved in with him a month after. I guess a 200K job and a fancy flash apartment in central London was too good to turn down. I even met up with him and his boyfriend thinking we could be friends but of course his boyfriend did not know we had a past in that sense and then it all went pear shaped. What could have been disappeared before my very eyes. However I continued on. Moving on. One day at a time. Then there was another greek boy (yes I ve told you already, I have a soft spot for those). However dates, dates, dates and still not boyfriends. Then it just died. What had a spark, just died. It simply got boring. Is that going to be the story of my life 2 to 3 months dating or even less and then on to the new target. Well , I guess at least I stick to one at a time. So I ll continue the search. One day I might meet The One, but I think I have realised it probably will not happen. Gay men are not like that. We eat men like fruit pastilles and if I one day win the jackpot, then so be it. But lets face it - lets not expect something against the odds.

"Homo I am home" - without the homo

After a 13 hour day at work and a quick workout routine I come "home" (well as any gay man, I force myself down the gym thinking it will help me find me that hot husband). But it is not home. It s a cold place actually. Now finding a home in london can be difficult. By moving in with strangers you take a chance and after 12 months staying here it is time to move on. It is part of my new beginning and I am determined this time it is going to be a success. No more coming home, escaping to my room and spending the night alone in front of the computer. Maybe that is why I am out all the time as it drives me insane. Now I am moving in with this lovely girl to this lovely apartment just by my work. I think it will be a hit with many movie nights and cosy nights in with friends. A place where you feel at home. Okay it might be without the hubby, but it is a good start. And talking of that husband I ve found myself a boy. He s the cutest thing ever. Masculine manly and greek looks (not sure why but I have a soft spot for those greekies) and he called me now asking me if I had missed him. Truth is I have. I never let myself do that for years after the other greek years ago as I told you about in a previous post, and funny thing is I ve only met him 4 times. Now that might be a bit fast, but I cant help it. My friend said Im smitten. Maybe I am? For the first time in years. It has actually made me feel like 16 again. So maybe I have started my journey - the new beginning. Out with the old , in with the new. But I ll take the good bits with me in a goody bag , and throw the garbage in the basement where it belongs. Life is too short.

The day of the new beginning

So one word describes this day. The new beginning.
No more fake people in my life. No more of "the plastics". There is so many in London you can fill the underground with them. People who only thinks of themselves and their labels, who makes A into C and who stirs up any drama they can to add some satisfaction to their life and excitement to their day. What happened to caring ? Treating people with respect and most of all listen to the people around you. To be part of the "in" crowd doesnt mean you have good friends. Just wait until the day something happens, a life changing moment. Then you ll realise who your real friends are and if you walk over people and only think about you - well you might just be all alone at that moment. With your real friends moved on. Moved on from the plastic fantastic of your world. Turn yourself into superman, or barbie Ken and think you are so much better than the rest. Now you might have a good time doing that for a while but by focusing all that work on the outside, might leave you to sacrifice what really matters - you. As a person. What you really are. Now that is how I am going to change. I am going to work on me. Not the size of my biceps - we can all become superman on the outside, but lets become superman on the inside. Let s be a real superhero and not one of those fake ones. There s enough of those out there. It doesnt make you special.

Time for thought

So time has passed since I actually wrote the below. No more girlfriends, no more lying. I ve told the truth. I am gay. But I am still not happy. Something is missing.

Sunday night. Alone in my room and time to think. See I live a very busy life and I do so on purpose. As the moment I am all alone and start thinking, I cant help start thinking that this life has no purpose. All I do is work, go gym and wild nights out on the town. I miss the deep conversations I used to have with my friend from Finland. I felt like I could say anything to her. She knows me. The true me. The person behind and now I will tell you why.

A few years back when I thought I met my The One my life took a turning. A complete u turn. Before meeting this guy I was a happy go lucky guy. I was happy with my life. Then came the one. The one that I will never forget. This gorgeous greek guy who I fell 100 percent for and this is what was dangerous love. Truly dangerous. There was such a strong bond between us. I almost moved in after like a few days. Too fast. Too much. Before I knew it I was going through a major depression. I d just burst out crying for no reason. He was very critical and a true perfectionnist and it made me feel I wasnt good enough, no one was good enough, I started not looking at myself in the mirror thinking I was the ugliest person on the planet, I lost all confidence and went mute. I was Mr Mute. I didnt know how to communicate and the longer it went on the worse it became. 2 years later. Nothing had changed. I was still mute. I didnt live. I just carried on without any purpose and though we broke up, we carried on. Like an old married couple - all fights, no sex. Then there was the change. He went travelling around the world and then I realised. I had to escape. I needed my exit. I needed time for me. You see , I always think about others first, and I come second. But I could not be walked over no more. I had to regain control and when he returned , I moved out and turned off my phone and never returned his numerous texts, emails and calls. You might call me a right twat . But this was the only way I could ever escape. I had to live with the threats that came as a results. I had hurt his feelings so badly and this was an atomic bomb waiting to drop. And it did. But time passed and now if I see him, we can speak. Although I am sorry he had to hear my drunken apology on my birthday night out. I could have decided to hate him because he did things you never should, but I know deep down he s a good guy, I just brought out the worst in him and it will haunt me forever. I still dont like the person I see in the mirror. I still have no confidence. Well I can after a few double vodkas, but who cant ? Still I do not know how to share my life. I am still quite mute. I ve come along way, but there s a lot of work to be done. I need to communicate. I need to raise my voice. I guess I hold back. I told the one all my secrets, and he used them against me. But I need to take that chance again. To live. Who cares if they dont like me? surely they wont like the mute me, as it just looks like I am a stuck up complete twat and I dont blame them for thinking so. So lets work on that. Take a chance. You only live once.